Little angel

I was at my aunt's house today she has a 14 year old girl and a 5 year old boy-both so beautiful mashallah and we were talking about whether we should go abroad this year or stay and "discover England" instead, and decided that we should stay since i am will start my job soon and everyones schedule is a bit tight this summer. my aunt was like "i want to go abroad, we have seen most of uk, and my baby hasnt been around the world much, i want to take him and show him places" He stopped playing with his jigsaw puzzle, looked up so innocently and said "but mummy i have, i went with you everywhere when i was in your tummy, i saw everything through your eyes" Awww bless him he's the sweetest and naughtiest child ever.

Driving test

UFFFF i had my driving test today and thats the main reason to why i have not blogged in over a week. Its been consuming so much time, money, energy and is so emotionally draining too. I should have passed my test today as i didnt make any major mistakes. You know what the guy failed me on? being 5 inches wide!! 5 inches! AND then he has the nerve to say to me "you perfect otherwise" wtf?? why couldnt he just pass me, pass me, for the love of allah pass me?

They do it purpose, these people, these driving examiners, bah humbug!

oh yeah and my instructor says i stick my bottom lip out when im getting told off and remind him of a little child and my problem is that i am "too too toooo nice'

whatever i just want to paaasssss and be let free and loose on the roads!!!

A little story about friendship

"Friendship has a special meaning when you have someone with whom to share. It is a gift for the heart and soul to share. It grows with love, laughter, joy, happiness, tears and time. Friendship is that golden bond than even time cannot sever. A gift to last throughout our lives. Friendship is for ever."

This is poem is from a frame piece someone gave to me a very long time ago, someone who used to be my friend. i keep it as a reminder for friendships lost, found and those that are yet to be made. every time i look at the frame piece it serves to me as a constant reminder of how delicate, beautiful and important it is to have friendship in our lives.

I recently joined facebook after resisting for so many months, i see that my practically my whole primary and secondary school/college (i went to a sixth form school) are on there. some old Friends i would like to get re-acquainted with and some that i would rather forget. the ones that i would rather forget were my best friends in primary and secondary surprisingly, the ones that hurt me the most.

I like to think that i am a good Friend, i listen to problems, give good advice, buy nice present that i know the receivers will like, take an active part in the friendships i have, i know when to step back, but at times, the other friend can start to take advantage and abuse the friendship and the trust that forms the bond. this has happened to me not once, twice, BUT three times, and the thing that hurts me most, my so-called friends formed an alliance and hurt me all at the same time. my crime? for being a good, caring and naive friend.

Childhood friendships gone in instances, i wanted to shout out "who was by your side to console

you when your mother passed away? you stood by you when your brother went to jail and people gossiped about your morals and conduct?" but i didn't i stood in silence maintaining all the dignity i could muster.

As time has gone on my wounds have healed even though at times i feel the pain and think "why me?"

After this incidence occured i went off to uni, and was very apprehensive, of course i wanted to make friends, but i had already mentally prepared myself not to be too close to anyone that could end up hurting me. the funny thing is the more i tried to keep people at a distance, the more they wanted to come close to me, and at a point i thought "why not, lets see what happens".

The following two years i end up living with these girls in a apartment and have the best, worst, saddest, craziest and happiest time of my life. i found the meaning of true friendship, it encompasses all the colours of the rainbow-the lightness, darkness and brightness.

Rant 1- loud neighbours

My neighbours are sooo irritatingly noisey! its unbearable!!! im going crackers! its now approx 23:14pm, they have been carrying on for ten hours! ten hours i tell you! that is insaneee!

We moved houses 6 months ago and i was away at uni and since ive moved back home, my neighbours (left side) have been carrying on like theres no tomorrow, well umm like theres no other weekend at least. Every weekend they get drunk and make noises, party noises i guess, i hope...and have no consideration for the others in the area. They have been singing soooo loudly and its irrtiating me, right at this moment they are singing "i will always love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" before that it was the titanic song and before that it was "footballs coming home, it coming, footballs coming home" FYI-they cant even sing! For the love of god just stop!!!!!! Im in my nerd mood and want to study a little, please neighbours stop being arses...

rant over

Random things 1 :)

1. The iifa awards came and went with out a bang, bollywoods finest in Yorkshire and still nothing excited happened apart from arjun rampal getting booed off stage, salman kicking katrina out of their hotel room, two chav gangs fighting in the audience-information provided by a friend who was actually derailed enough to go.
2. My driving instructor asked me if i had blonde hair under my hijab!......wtf?? apparently i remind him of a blonde, confused barbie doll, he's weird but keeps me entertained.
3. There is an imposter!! there has been various sightings of a girl that look exactly like me! i have to find her, im sooo curious to see my look-a-like.
4. Arghh its soo hard to lose 7 lbs! and its half way through June, need to up the ante
5. Daddy's birthday bbq went good, weather was hot and i turned a blind ear to all that was being said, too bad i didnt turn a blind mouth, because i think i stepped on a few toes....eeeekkkkkkk
6. I HATE APPLICATION FORMS! applying for pre-reg and its sooo tedious, got so many to do yet and they all ask weird questions e.g please state the number of prescriptions of the last pharmacy store you worked for. so are they asking me per day, per week, per month, per hour even?? and how the hell am i suppose to know? i can remember exactly how much because we were more of an "over the counter pharmacy" than a "prescription pharmacy" blehhhhh

Anything with apple in it cannot be wrong!

I am sooo addicted to the new dkny perfume:be delicious! its soooo green appley, tangy, summery and yummy smelling, hmmmm niceee!! I wasnt going to buy it at first because the lady at the perfume shop was being a cow for some reason, but i really wanted it for ages, so i thought might as well!!
Oh and there is this cool little bottle of perfume with it, it had a roller ball head, so you can easily rub it on your wrists and neck! ive never seen anything like that before, so pardon me for my child like excitement! hehe

oh its my daddy's bday today so: HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!! XXX

Its not all haha hehe

I was visiting a friend last night, i havent met her for quite some time since we both go to different unis and have to balance a hectic work/study/social life, but we try to make time for each other atleast once every three months regardless of how busy we are. She invited me over for dinner and for a good old girly night in-chatting, laughing, talking about men, fashions, things happening locally etc.



Anyway she asked if i wanted to watch her cousin's wedding film, her cousin got married nearly a year ago to this very nice fob. I was invited to the wedding and remember really enjoying myself because it had all the ingredients that makes me enjoy a wedding-small, i knew everyone, food was yum, entertainment was good. I eagerley said yes to watching the film because i think its a a really girly thing, its not enough to just go to the wedding we need watch it all over again on film to analyse every detail and especially how much lbs the camera has made us gain!



I was happily watching the film, enjoying it and trying to remember what the hell i was talking about at the time of the wedding, because each time the camera is on me, im just chatting away!! Near the end of the film, it was time for the rukhsati and thats what this post of about. It was one of the most emotional rukhsati's i have ever seen, during the actual day i was no where near the rukhsati, i was still in the hall and had not realised the rukhsati was going on.



Seeing the bride, her mother, aunts, brothers, cousins, grandparents cry just sent me off on a train of thoughts. This bride wasnt going very far away from home, just a few streets aways and it was such an emotional experience, so what am i going to be like who probably is going to go half way across the world?



The reality of going away from my parents has began to scare me.
They in our culture a girl is never her parents, she is only for her husband and his family. This really upsets me, my parents have been raising me for 22 years, and I think that they have done a mighty well job with it, then why should i become someone elses soley? Why cant i be his and my parents at the same time? What if his family dont accept me? What if marrying him closes all doors for me ever returning home?



That moment at the end of the happiest day of your life is also the saddest day of your life, saying goodbye to those who were once yours and you were once theirs. I have a choice to make either stay close to home and maybe marry someone who i dont love or for the sake of love forsake all my relations here and go be with him. Either way i think the life of a girl is a turbulent one, so many choices, expectations, hopes, dreams, that can be built up and shattered so quickly.



I can only pray that we girls be with the man that love us and we love him, treat each other right and find a way to balance our love for him and our parents, for that is one of the hardest things to accomplish. For parents (especially fathers) to understand that having feelings for a man doesnt mean that our love and respect for you has gone less, for the man to understand how hard it is to be a only daughter and to leave a life that you have been leading to move to a strange, new place, where you husband is the only familiar face.



I know this blog is kind of a downer, but just needed to let it out, only have a year left at uni and now i think im growing out of my kiddy stage and into adulthood mode and realising what little time i have left with my wonderful, weird, funny, caring and most of all supportive parents and brothers.

Seven things-here goes

Seven things i hope to do by thirty-

• learn how to ride a bike
• pay off university debts
• pass my driving test
• get married
• have atleast one child
• own a house
• travel to atleast four countries

Seven things that i cannot do-

• lie
• be mean/insensitive on purpose
• stand by and watch injustice
• ride a bike
• whistle
• play football-it hurts my toes :(
• stop loving

Seven things i love-

• my family :) and friends :)
• my soulmate
• good food and drink
• post it notes- i am so obssessed with them, i have soo many in all different shapes, sizes and colours
• ice cream-hmmmm skinny cow, ben n jerry's, carte d'or, dixons
• the sound of my loved ones laughing
• books/novel-this even includes text books!

Seven things i want in a partner-

• sense of humour
• can cook!
• intelligence
• family values
• wants to have children
• romantic-accepts me for who i am
• religious values

Seven films i love-

• qayamat say qayamat tak- even though im not a bollywood buff, this film is one of the best ever, a total chick flick!
• the goonies-do the truffle shuffle!
• home alone 1 and 2
• dirty dancing
• pretty woman
• back to the future 1 and 2
• little women

Seven authors i love-

• malorie blackman
• jean sasson
• jane austin
• dan brown
• sohier kashoggi
• chitra bannerjee
• judy blume

Seven stores i cannot resist-

• monsoon and accessorize
• thortons-hmmmmm chocolate
• lush
• body shop
• dorothy perkins
• primark
• laura ashley home
  
  

My to do list for this month (arghh)

• Apply to all the community and hospital pharmacies where I think that I have a remote chance of them accepting me for a pre-registration place next summer
• Start preparing for my summer placement that starts next month e.g brush up on calculations, read through healthcare notes, try to read the ENTIRE BNF! (ambitious?-yes i know)
• Decorate my bedroom and bathroom- i was soo looking forward to do thing but with the above two points i might not a get a chance this summer and then winter starts :( . I might have to ask my family for help, even though i said i didnt need any help doing up my part of the house..........
• PASS my driving test-need to apply for one first (hehe)
• LOSE the remaining weight to reach target-7lbs to go!!
• Brush up on my cooking skills-everyone is going back to work and school next week as half term is nearly over, and so I think that this is a good time to brush up on them chappati making skills :)

Divine intervention?

Its friday, a day of rest and pray and so I thought that I should do something that I have been meaning to do for quite sometime but have been putting it off. I go into the front room which for the time being we are using as a storage place and get out a plastic bag, and climb two flights of stairs with it. In my room I place the bag on my desk and open it, and there it is-The nobel quran with english translation.

I prepare myself to read but at the same time feeling scared and excited. Its hard to explain but I have always thought if I read it with the english subs maybe i wont fully believe it or doubt it, maybe thats my own ignorance. Do not get me wrong I love my faith and the individual outlook of faith that I have but after years of just reading in arabic and not really understanding a word of the holy book apart from that it is the divine word. I was getting frustrated at my misconceptions and those of others around me, its the old culture versus religion debate again. So i thought that this would be the summer where i sit down and pace myself throught the quran but also read, understand and internalise the meaning of it.

For me this is a form of atonement, cleansing my soul of the past sins i have commited (little white lies, gossiping etc). I dont know whether one day i will become "super religious" or what not but I need to feel peace in my soul and this is what it is all about. This is also my way of paying respect to my grandparents that sadly left us nearly two years ago.

Maybe I am being selfish also, hoping that if I pray and atone myself I will be rewarded by getting something that i have wanted for a very long time. My daddyji says that the quran e pak is like food for soul, I certainly hope that it does feed my soul this summer.