So ive spent the past couple of days talking to my mother and telling her how i feel about the whole situation, she in turn tells my dad, my dad says no time and time again and i feel like crap, the worst daughter in the world, the worst person to ever fall in love with, a heartbreaker and so low that i dont think i will ever get out of this black hole.

i cant even cry anymore because my eyes hurt so much and i dont have much energy left inside of me to do anything stimulating at all.

i know i should listen to my parents, and move on but everytime i close my eyes i think of him and how my life is suppose to be, it wasnt suppose to be like this. all of my dreams were linked to him and our new life that was going to start. i have to make new dreams now, and thats so hard, a life without him. is that even possible?

i want to complete my degree so badly and move away, i think i am getting serious about apply to med school after pharmacy as it means another 4 years away from home. but at the same time i think about my parents, they dont deserve a bad daughter like me, i cant even smile at them right now.

we pakistanis have double standards, we want our daughters to have an education and develop our own views but soon as these views differ from our elders, then that is wrong. so whats the point of getting an education, i could have spent 10 years dossing around instead of being the good girls that i was.

good girls end up last