is the end here yet?

hey blog,
i know its been a while since I've paid any attention to you, and I'm sorry. i promise to be more attentive from now on.
life has been hectic as usual with all its ups and downs. just as i thought i was coming to terms with him not being in my life, he called me and now I'm back to square one. can you believe it i was actually smiling and laughing last week, i knew it was too good to be true.
i have exams coming up too, which i am totally dreading, final year it already killing me! i have to do two master projects by January! arghhh
Eid is coming up but I'm not in the celebrating mood, i wish i was but I'm not.

isn't it amazing how one person can affect you so much, that you change from a happy-ish person into a zombie? i wish i had the same optimistic view on life as he does, that we still have a glimmer of hope. but all hope for me is fading now. there is only a certain amount of times a Muslim girl can ask her parents about the same guy before it starts to appear that the daughter has no shame. i cant ask again, maybe this is how it was suppose to be. i want to move on and forget the pain and cherish the memories that i have with a smile, instead of prolonging this till the bitter end where we both end up even more broken.

I PASSES MY EXAMS!

hello,
i had my induction day for my summer placement today, it was like all my class was there! well 25 of us! and the remainder five were from different unis, anyways was just as boring as last year and since i was one of the few that has completed a placement last year i have EXTRA work to do and the competition to gain a pre-reg place is so strife and obvious amongst everyone! whatever happened to the love? and I PASSED MY EXAMS! WOHOO! i dont know the actual marks yeat because the website is messed up but my name was on the pass list! next year my masters! im so happy and relieved. from tomorrow i start work at my chemist, hope they like me, im so tired right now i hate commuting into the city.....
i need chai
bye!

A little story about friendship

"Friendship has a special meaning when you have someone with whom to share. It is a gift for the heart and soul to share. It grows with love, laughter, joy, happiness, tears and time. Friendship is that golden bond than even time cannot sever. A gift to last throughout our lives. Friendship is for ever."

This is poem is from a frame piece someone gave to me a very long time ago, someone who used to be my friend. i keep it as a reminder for friendships lost, found and those that are yet to be made. every time i look at the frame piece it serves to me as a constant reminder of how delicate, beautiful and important it is to have friendship in our lives.

I recently joined facebook after resisting for so many months, i see that my practically my whole primary and secondary school/college (i went to a sixth form school) are on there. some old Friends i would like to get re-acquainted with and some that i would rather forget. the ones that i would rather forget were my best friends in primary and secondary surprisingly, the ones that hurt me the most.

I like to think that i am a good Friend, i listen to problems, give good advice, buy nice present that i know the receivers will like, take an active part in the friendships i have, i know when to step back, but at times, the other friend can start to take advantage and abuse the friendship and the trust that forms the bond. this has happened to me not once, twice, BUT three times, and the thing that hurts me most, my so-called friends formed an alliance and hurt me all at the same time. my crime? for being a good, caring and naive friend.

Childhood friendships gone in instances, i wanted to shout out "who was by your side to console

you when your mother passed away? you stood by you when your brother went to jail and people gossiped about your morals and conduct?" but i didn't i stood in silence maintaining all the dignity i could muster.

As time has gone on my wounds have healed even though at times i feel the pain and think "why me?"

After this incidence occured i went off to uni, and was very apprehensive, of course i wanted to make friends, but i had already mentally prepared myself not to be too close to anyone that could end up hurting me. the funny thing is the more i tried to keep people at a distance, the more they wanted to come close to me, and at a point i thought "why not, lets see what happens".

The following two years i end up living with these girls in a apartment and have the best, worst, saddest, craziest and happiest time of my life. i found the meaning of true friendship, it encompasses all the colours of the rainbow-the lightness, darkness and brightness.