Its not all haha hehe

I was visiting a friend last night, i havent met her for quite some time since we both go to different unis and have to balance a hectic work/study/social life, but we try to make time for each other atleast once every three months regardless of how busy we are. She invited me over for dinner and for a good old girly night in-chatting, laughing, talking about men, fashions, things happening locally etc.



Anyway she asked if i wanted to watch her cousin's wedding film, her cousin got married nearly a year ago to this very nice fob. I was invited to the wedding and remember really enjoying myself because it had all the ingredients that makes me enjoy a wedding-small, i knew everyone, food was yum, entertainment was good. I eagerley said yes to watching the film because i think its a a really girly thing, its not enough to just go to the wedding we need watch it all over again on film to analyse every detail and especially how much lbs the camera has made us gain!



I was happily watching the film, enjoying it and trying to remember what the hell i was talking about at the time of the wedding, because each time the camera is on me, im just chatting away!! Near the end of the film, it was time for the rukhsati and thats what this post of about. It was one of the most emotional rukhsati's i have ever seen, during the actual day i was no where near the rukhsati, i was still in the hall and had not realised the rukhsati was going on.



Seeing the bride, her mother, aunts, brothers, cousins, grandparents cry just sent me off on a train of thoughts. This bride wasnt going very far away from home, just a few streets aways and it was such an emotional experience, so what am i going to be like who probably is going to go half way across the world?



The reality of going away from my parents has began to scare me.
They in our culture a girl is never her parents, she is only for her husband and his family. This really upsets me, my parents have been raising me for 22 years, and I think that they have done a mighty well job with it, then why should i become someone elses soley? Why cant i be his and my parents at the same time? What if his family dont accept me? What if marrying him closes all doors for me ever returning home?



That moment at the end of the happiest day of your life is also the saddest day of your life, saying goodbye to those who were once yours and you were once theirs. I have a choice to make either stay close to home and maybe marry someone who i dont love or for the sake of love forsake all my relations here and go be with him. Either way i think the life of a girl is a turbulent one, so many choices, expectations, hopes, dreams, that can be built up and shattered so quickly.



I can only pray that we girls be with the man that love us and we love him, treat each other right and find a way to balance our love for him and our parents, for that is one of the hardest things to accomplish. For parents (especially fathers) to understand that having feelings for a man doesnt mean that our love and respect for you has gone less, for the man to understand how hard it is to be a only daughter and to leave a life that you have been leading to move to a strange, new place, where you husband is the only familiar face.



I know this blog is kind of a downer, but just needed to let it out, only have a year left at uni and now i think im growing out of my kiddy stage and into adulthood mode and realising what little time i have left with my wonderful, weird, funny, caring and most of all supportive parents and brothers.

New old haircut

Wohoo! ive got a new old hair cut! I know that sounds a bit weird so let me explain-
for quite some time i have been visiting a certain hair salon and have asked for a certain hair cut. The hair cut in question had been a one inch trim, side fringe and three layers to be put in. Some how the hair cut was never as i imagined it to be no matter how much i explained it to her. It used to end up being so harsh and rigid, like three different size bowls have been placed around my head (i kid u not).

Finally i gave up going to her and went to a new hair salon in the same area (a friend recommended the new salon and she always has nice hair). Off i go and meet the lady that is going to be my saviour i hope! She is a very trendy 40+ Iranian lady and examines my hair and says "i cant see any layers in here, where did u get this done from?" I explain to her my story and she is like "well this will not do at all, a womans hair is her masterpiece"

I ask for the same hairstyle and then regret it thinking that what if she does a bad job too and then i am stuck with this style for 2-3 months. However by then i have had a hair rinse and she is snipping away.

TADA! one hour later i have this total new hairstyle but i asked for the exact same thing as before! How could this be? I was in awe of my reflection and say to her rather excitedly "this is what ive always wanted!" She was happy that i was happy, i was happy that my hair looks nice, nice cheery smile all around. Im so gald i have finally found a hairdresser that fits the qualities of a hair dresser-funny, talkative, good listener, quick and most important of all knows what she is doing!

Two hours ago-
me-"how does my hair look?" rather excitedly
brother-"looks the same as always, have you had something done?"
me-"well duhh cant u tell?"
brother- "no not really"
end of conversaion

Flash backwards 6 months ago-
me- "how does my hair look?"
brother- "looks the same as always, have u had something done?"
me- "well duhh cant u tell?"
brother- "no not really"
end of conversation

Maybe its me or maybe its them?

The bbq went ahead even though it was fricking cold! I thought that it was cancelled and so was sitting home bored stiff as was everyone else. So we decided to go visit one of my aunts and my uncle greeted us at the door as was like the weather is so gooood now i.e not raining we should do the bbq. After getting the bbq ready, realising we were out of coal, running to a store that actually sells coal to get some, calling everyone to come over, running to the store again to get plastic cuterly (it makes get togethers so much more easy), the bbq was in full swing.

During the course of the evening I realised that i dont really have a good relationship with any of my cousins, i do with their mothers, but not with them. We just exchange pleasantaries and thats it. No talk about hobbies, interests, what we have been upto etc
Its not as if i mind, i dont mind, growing up with them made me realise how different we were (constant fat remarks stay with u no matter how much weight you lose). Its the fact that they dont make the effort to converse with me, for so long I have tried to interact with them, i have supported them when they have needed me, all in all i have been there for them. It would not hurt any of them to talk to me properly or ask me questions about my life, university, activities I have been doing.

Within my immediate family-parents and brothers i feel happy and accepted, outside of this i feel as though people only talk to me when they want something from me otherwise they do not talk to me.

I have thought long and hard to why this is and come to a conclusion maybe that they are jealous that i am the only one out of them that has gone on to university. Maybe they find that intimidating, me being a girl as well might have something to do with it. They be embarrased for teasing me when i was younger about my weight, intelligence and how i was soo awkward. OR they are now intimidated by me, by me intelligence and future prospects? (yes i know that i sound sooooo big headed but im not really, im just thinking of possible reasons)

I dont know the exact reasons, mum and dad just say to me forget them and you reach for your goals and dreams. Inshallah i know i will achieve my goals but a little bit of support or happiness from my extended family would also be quite nice. Maybe thats just wishful thinking.........

Rain Rain

Its bank holiday Monday and i should be right now getting ready for a family bbq, but im not. I am in bed with stomach pains looking out of my windows at the rain pouring down oh and its just began to hailstone.

SOO much for a family get together, to tell the truth I actually do not mind. Lets face the facts if the weather had been nice and the bbq would have gone ahead,

• in roughly 50 mins atleast one person would have made an insulting comment to another person and hey presto! a argument starts
• comments would be made about weights and looks
• a clingy cousin of mine would have done her routine act of trying to make me feel guilty for some reason or another
• I would have to do the cleaning up,
• I would have to make chai and then this gives everyone free reign to criticise my chai, resulting in my mum (bless her) standing up for me and then one certain uncle criticising my parents parental skills.

Most people think that its soo weird that I know what is going to happen at each family get together, the reason I know is that because for 22 years the same thing has practically been occuring, I think i have got the predictions down to an art form!