Maybe its me or maybe its them?

The bbq went ahead even though it was fricking cold! I thought that it was cancelled and so was sitting home bored stiff as was everyone else. So we decided to go visit one of my aunts and my uncle greeted us at the door as was like the weather is so gooood now i.e not raining we should do the bbq. After getting the bbq ready, realising we were out of coal, running to a store that actually sells coal to get some, calling everyone to come over, running to the store again to get plastic cuterly (it makes get togethers so much more easy), the bbq was in full swing.

During the course of the evening I realised that i dont really have a good relationship with any of my cousins, i do with their mothers, but not with them. We just exchange pleasantaries and thats it. No talk about hobbies, interests, what we have been upto etc
Its not as if i mind, i dont mind, growing up with them made me realise how different we were (constant fat remarks stay with u no matter how much weight you lose). Its the fact that they dont make the effort to converse with me, for so long I have tried to interact with them, i have supported them when they have needed me, all in all i have been there for them. It would not hurt any of them to talk to me properly or ask me questions about my life, university, activities I have been doing.

Within my immediate family-parents and brothers i feel happy and accepted, outside of this i feel as though people only talk to me when they want something from me otherwise they do not talk to me.

I have thought long and hard to why this is and come to a conclusion maybe that they are jealous that i am the only one out of them that has gone on to university. Maybe they find that intimidating, me being a girl as well might have something to do with it. They be embarrased for teasing me when i was younger about my weight, intelligence and how i was soo awkward. OR they are now intimidated by me, by me intelligence and future prospects? (yes i know that i sound sooooo big headed but im not really, im just thinking of possible reasons)

I dont know the exact reasons, mum and dad just say to me forget them and you reach for your goals and dreams. Inshallah i know i will achieve my goals but a little bit of support or happiness from my extended family would also be quite nice. Maybe thats just wishful thinking.........

Rain Rain

Its bank holiday Monday and i should be right now getting ready for a family bbq, but im not. I am in bed with stomach pains looking out of my windows at the rain pouring down oh and its just began to hailstone.

SOO much for a family get together, to tell the truth I actually do not mind. Lets face the facts if the weather had been nice and the bbq would have gone ahead,

• in roughly 50 mins atleast one person would have made an insulting comment to another person and hey presto! a argument starts
• comments would be made about weights and looks
• a clingy cousin of mine would have done her routine act of trying to make me feel guilty for some reason or another
• I would have to do the cleaning up,
• I would have to make chai and then this gives everyone free reign to criticise my chai, resulting in my mum (bless her) standing up for me and then one certain uncle criticising my parents parental skills.

Most people think that its soo weird that I know what is going to happen at each family get together, the reason I know is that because for 22 years the same thing has practically been occuring, I think i have got the predictions down to an art form!